is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love you. Go after that dick
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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