Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
