Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
