the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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