Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
