It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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