we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
