If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
