you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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