omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
