i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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