she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
