matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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