You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
