Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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