His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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