Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
