at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When did angry sex become our thing?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
