why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
