There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
