y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
