so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
