you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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