My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize