they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
