I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
