I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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