he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize