dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
