Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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