Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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