Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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