i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize