so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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