i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
