Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
