If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
