Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
