It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
