Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
