i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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