I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
