i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
