i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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