You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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