he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize