Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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