So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
