The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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