This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
