god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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