All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
