OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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