Hey man sorry I got all grabby
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
