i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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