I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
