I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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