If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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