You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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