Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
