She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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